Crash Course Parenting: The First 2 Months

Our whole lives, when we get something new, it always comes with at least a 10-page instruction manual, warranties, warnings and troubleshooting tips.  Ironically, this is not the case when we bring home a human being.  The hospital nurse walks you to your car to make sure you have a car seat and then closes the door without so much as a 1-page manual.  Needless to say, the past two months have been filled with, "Is that supposed to happen," and "What is he doing?!"  Thus, the inspiration for our new monthly post "Crash Course Parenting" in which we thought it would be fun to share our parenting failures, successes and little humors.

The First 2 Months

Newborns are weird.  I once read that the first 3 months are called the 4th trimester.  I now, whole-heatedly agree with this statement, but would edit it to be the first 2 months.  Honestly, the first month I felt like a giant, sobbing boob.  Hormones causing breakdowns over events that I did not even feel that upset about but just started crying and could not stop, constant feedings for a little minon that would just cry, suck, cry, suck, cry with maybe a little nap here or there.  Luke does not like to sleep in the day.  Sleeps fine at night, but will only take, on average, 45-minute naps in the day (except for the random days he will take a 3.5 hour nap, which would cause anxiety that something is wrong).  In the first month when he was not interacting that much, this made for a very long day with lots of tears from both mom and baby.  I am pretty sure Dallin thought he brought home a baby and a large bag of crazy for a wife.  

In addition to the bag of crazy, newborns are weird.  They do weird things that nobody really tells you about that cause increased anxiety. Things like, gasping for air, choking on spit, making the oddest sounds in their sleep, poop every color and texture from black to dark green to yellow to orange to dark yellow, curdled, liquidy, sticky...the list goes on.  All considered normal but the only ones they tell you about are the black and curdled-yellow.  

The sleep sounds are the weirdest.  Luke coos, sighs, gasps, stops breathing for seconds then starts back up, "stutter breaths" as I call the ones that quiver a little on the exhale, breaths that sound like a goose has replaced our baby...weirdness that makes us think something is wrong, but we are told, "As long as he does not seem in distress," all is fine.  Yes, the weird sleep sounds have decreased DRASTICALLY since the first month, and the gasping is pretty much non-existant now, but when it was happening, I may have taken a little too much advantage of having our pediatrician's email address...

Now for some things we have learned through much trial and error:

• Always have a boy's manhood pointing down in the diaper.
• When you hear the hubby yelp while changing a diaper, get the bath ready.  100% of the time it means you now have a urine covered husband and baby.
• Make sure the elasticy edges of the diaper are flipped out and snug on the thighs.  Less leakage.
• Late evening napping = late nights
• The exercise ball is more effective than the rocking chair.  A little rough on mom and dad's core the first few weeks, but worth it to get the kid to sleep, burp, calm down.  Plus, works wonders on that baby fat on mom's tummy...it is an all purpose piece of equipment!
• Even if your baby is like Luke and doesn't spit-up a lot, you can bet that when you burp him wearing a nice shirt without a burp cloth, he will turn it white and soggy in seconds.

 

• Swaddling is a lifesaving skill we learned quickly after the kid would startle himself awake after 40-minutes of bouncing and walking with a drowsy baby who just was too curious to fall asleep, with outstretched arms and legs...stinker.
• Breastmilk can be used for more than just food.  Sounds weird, but it has cleared goop out of his eyes (yes, we put breast milk in his eye), helped with cracked nipples...it is pretty much the natural form of neosporin, eye drops and medicine.
• The yoga position, Happy Baby, really does work in making a baby happier and calm.  Go figure.
• Blowing in their faces when they get the turning red/purple, no noise, mouth wide open, "I am angrier than Hades," cry causes them to take a breath; thank you, mama B.
• Breastfeeding is awkward for the first little bit. 
• Don't compare your baby to all your friend's pictures they post on social media sites.  I honestly thought I was doing something wrong because my baby was fussy and all these people had all these peaceful pictures of their babies, causing me to think their babies did not fuss, until I realized that very few share the bad times.  Not because they don't have them, but because they just don't share them.  It took a long walk with my mom one night while she was here to understand that.  My little tid bit of advise for new moms or soon to be new moms: Don't compare in any way shape or form your baby or ability as a mother to others.  You are doing great even if it feels you are failing at everything.  I promise.  For a few weeks, each night I would have to mentally tell myself I was doing great because he was still alive at the end of each day.  Seriously.

There is probably so much more, but these are the things we remember or have happened more than once.  I'll be honest, I was not a fan of the first month and this made me feel worse because I was not LOVING being a new mom like so many lead you to believe you should feel.  Again, on that long walk with my mom, Elder Holland's talk, "Becuase She is a Mother," and a life saving text from my old roomie stating that she was not a fan of the newborn stage, I finally was at peace that not all moms instantly love the mom life and it is hard and hormones cause craziness...it is all okay.  This past month has been much better due to the fact that Luke has started to reciprocate smiling and cooing and actually acknowledging my existence aside from the almighty boob.  Makes things a little easier when I  get his wide smile or giggle, along with the occasional snuggle.