Crash Course Parenting: Sleep

Babies, especially newborns are supposed to sleep, right?  Pretty sure Luke took good naps the first 4 days of his life, possibly due to the exhausting venture of birth, and then that stopped.  He has always been pretty good at night (wake-up, nurse for 15-20 minutes then go right back down) give or take a few middle of the night bouncing/walking/rocking for an hour mishaps.  However, naps were never his favorite.  He is a cat napper.  The kid has always only taken 40-60 minute naps, with the occasional 3-hour nap in the first 2 months of his life which would cause us to worry that he was sick or unconscious or dead.  Due to Luke's lack of naps, random weeks of waking every 1.5 hours at night and now sleep training, we have been inspired to write about our journey of sleep in the past 4 months and some of the techniques we used.

Days 1-5
We were advised to wake newborn Spud every 2-3 hours to eat.  Honestly, looking back, we don't feel we had to wake him up at all, that he would have done this on his own when he was actually hungry.  Do not take our experience as medical advice, but a lot of the time he was so tired he did not eat that well, which may or may not have caused frustration break downs (please remember I was a big bag of hormones).  He would then wake up on his own an hour to an hour and half later, wanting to actually eat.  Also, his Dr at his 2 week appointment told us he could go 4 hours...so many different opinions when it comes to babies.

During this time, he slept in a little Rock 'n Play that was right by my side of the bed so I could just reach down, grab him and feed him.  It was perfect.  He also napped in this in the living room, at least when we could get him to sleep in the rocker and not on us, with us rocking him a lot of the time.  He also would need to be bounced to fall asleep, which resulted in some very sore cores for mom and dad.

Weeks 2-12
Most of his naps at this time were taken on one of us, with the occasional one in the rocker or his bassinet.  I never thought I would say it, but I actually miss him sleeping on us.  It is rare, now.  Longest nap at this point lasted 1.5 hours, with an occasional 3 hour.  Quite honestly, I was exhausted at this point in his life, although I didn't realize it until I look back at what an emotional train wreck I was.  Sure he would sleep for about 4-5 hours before waking for the first feeding at night, but then was up every 2 after that and then would need at least 20 minutes of bouncing  to even fall asleep.  Dallin would pace the floor of our room each night, bouncing intermittently, to get him to sleep.  Exhausting.

 Starting at about 5 weeks, Poopers hated the car and would scream his head off instead of falling asleep.  What was even more exhausting at this point was the feeling of being judged by others when they would say, "He hates the car?  That is not normal" and "He has to be bounced?" or "He should really nap longer." Word to the wise, don't say these things to new parents.  They are doing what they need to survive at this point.  Literally.  It is a true game of survival when both parties really have no idea what they are doing.  Instead, give a helping hand or carefully provide little tidbits of advice that you found helpful in helping your little one learn how to sleep better.

Three Months
At this point, I decided the rocker in the middle of the living room naps needed to be phased out.  Tip toeing around four times a day for 45 minute stretches was stressful. 

We also moved him into his own room at night.  This was a bittersweet moment for me.  I didn't mind having the little stinker in his Pack 'n Play in our room and, quite frankly, the thought of him sleeping all alone in his own crib, in his own room made me sad.  Silly, I know.  I may have shed a little tear as we laid him in his crib that night and then closed the door and left.  I missed him in our room for about 5 minutes, at which point I realized we could turn on our lights in the room and actually talk in bed.  Did not realized how much I missed not having to whisper and use flashlights to read in bed!

Luke was still only taking 40-60 minute naps, but in the room now instead of the living room.  Also, still bouncing and pacing, but naps only needed about 10 minutes now instead of twenty, and nights usually took 15 minutes or so.  We also started implementing the technique of waking slightly when laying him down so that he learned to self soothe.  This, combined with some strap covers with owls on them in the car seat fixed the problem of him loathing the car.  Happy to say that he now LOVES the car and will actually fall asleep if he is tired...as well as dance and squeal.

The exhausting part of this month was naps, and the growth spurt at the beginning which caused him to go from waking twice a night, to every 2 hours, wanting to chow down, starting from the moment we put him down.  I may have had a few break downs during this week of sleeplessness from pure exhaustion.  Tidbit of info for new parents, growth spurts are real and they suck, literally and figuratively.

This month also kickstarted his "sleep sounds."  As a soothing technique, he does this deep moan-like sound.  We can't help but laugh every time he does it.

Four Months
Although he was only waking twice at night, we decided that he needed to learn how to put himself to sleep, mainly because we were exhausted from bouncing him to sleep all day and wanted to feel more confident in leaving him with others without the clause, "Oh yeah.  To get him to sleep you will have to do some exercise and bounce him and walk and jiggle and dance and...."  Yeah...he also started fighting us as we tried to put him to sleep, which was telling me he was frustrated he could not do it on his own.  I have been told to follow my instincts, and my instincts were telling me something needed to change.

Up to this point, I was not so sure about crying.  However, my good friend and ex-roomie gave me the Sleep Sense program to read which talked a lot about crying and some research behind it that made me feel a lot better.  This, combined with talking to others and mama B, got us comfortable with using the Sleep Sense program to help Luke learn how to put himself to sleep.

We used the method where Dallin stayed in the room with him, with a chair next to his crib, offering comfort every now and then.  This made me feel better that he was not alone in his dark room but knew that we still loved him.  The first night, he took 55 minutes to fall asleep.  He then woke up at 1am and took 2 hours and 5 minutes to fall back asleep.  May have been sooner but when he started to fall asleep at 1 hour and 55 minutes, our upstairs neighbor decided it was a good time to clog dance across the floor...
This was tough, but again, knowing Dallin was right there giving him comforting words and loving rubs and pats helped.

That next day was miserable for all parties.  We were all exhausted and continued the sleep training for naps.  It was tough.  But then, a miracle.  That second night, Spud only took 15 minutes to fall asleep, with only 5 minutes of fake crying and then slept the whole  night!  7pm to 7am.  No joke.

The third night, he only cried for about 10 seconds and then was asleep in 10 minutes. Slept until morning again.  Also, by this time, he was going down for naps on his own within 10 minutes after playing in his crib for a bit.  The rest has been similar, with the occasional debate at nap time because he thinks he should just play all day long.

This is his bird, Brunswick, who helps him fall asleep.  He had a little accident this day. And don't worry, Luke can breathe.  He has been a mouth breather since day one.

We did take an impromptu trip to Idaho for the passing of grandma Green, which threw Luke off a bit in his sleeping, but the night we returned, he did great and the next week when we stayed in Idaho again, he did better.  

As i said, it was tough.  But, I am so glad we decided to do it.  He is getting more sleep.  We are getting more sleep.  He doesn't need a marching regime to fall asleep anymore and he is still a happy, loving baby.

Overall, the journey of sleep is an exciting one with young ones.  I am sure there will be curve balls to come, but I am grateful to my friend for giving us the Sleep Sense program and for a hubby who supported and helped make some tough decisions regarding sleep.

Our main words of "wisdom?"  Don't feel like a failure if your little one is not "Sleeping through the night by 6 weeks," as many will brag, or needs a little extra (or a lot extra as in our case) to get to sleep and stay asleep or is a cat napper.  The fact of the matter is, every baby is different, with different needs.  Do what you feel is best, don't be afraid to ask for help or tips or just talk to others about whatever is going on.  Be careful with all the sleep books out there as many made us feel like we were doing something wrong or like we HAD to do certain things a certain way or else we would fail miserably, which just is not true. Take what you think will work with your baby and your family and, as hard as it may be some days, enjoy those cuddle days of sleeping on you because they won't last long.