Crash Course Parenting: Relationships

Confession: Dallin and I spent half of our Valentine's Day date discussing how we have neglected our relationship since Spud has been in our lives and how this needed to change.  Change for two reasons: 1) we had felt distant from one another, not a worried for our marriage distance, just distant. 2) If we want to raise happy, confidant children, we both feel that our love for one another and ourselves needs to be happy and healthy.  Thus, a crash course in not forgetting about your relationship with your significant other, yourself, the Lord and family. 

Significant Other
Once that highly anticipated bundle of spud joy entered our home, we became engulfed in him.  His needs, our worries for him, our hopes for him, each smile, each giggle...our lives literally revolved around this new little person in our home.  I would focus on him all day, then when Dallin came home, he wanted to play and get to know little man, too.  By the time he went to bed, we were both exhausted and would end up just watching a show (which usually resulted in me zonking out on the couch five minutes into the show) or going to bed ourselves.   This left little time for us to truly connect with one another as we had done the past 5 years of our relationship. 

It took us 7 months to realize that this needed to change.  That is a long time to put one of the most important relationships on the back burner.  As I said, we discussed how this needed to change on Valentine's Day.  Dallin has done a great job of finding sitters so we can have hubby-wife time once a week, out of the house.  I  try to rest while Luke rests so that I am not completely spent by the end of the day.  We also make more of an effort to talk or play games when Spudders goes to bed rather than just watching Netflix.   Since we have made these changes, our home has started to seem a little brighter.  Many may disagree, but to us, when the marriage is strong, the family is happier, stronger and more peaceful.  Take time for your significant other.  Your children will thank you.

Yourself
Every time I look back to the first 5 months of Luke's life, the song "Let herself Go" comes to mind. Well, mainly that line from the chorus.  Again, I poured all of me into Luke the first little bit of his life and would feel guilty if I took time for myself or had someone watch him when I was not working.   Finally, one day after the teething week from you know where, I was on the verge of going clinically insane.  This was when Dallin stepped in and took Luke for the whole morning to run errands, leaving me to just me.  I had no clue how much I needed that "me" time.  That next week, I was more patient, loving and motivated all around.  Even the silly drivers that don't use their indicators did not seem to get under my skin as much.  I now know that I need to take time for me.

Take up those "I'll watch him anytime!" offers to just focus on you for a couple of hours.  For me, the guilt part was still there a little, but over time, I realized that I was doing both Luke and myself a service by taking this time.   Some parents, like Dallin, may not need this as much, but my stubborn, independent self does and the whole home is a lot happier when I make time for me. 

The Lord
This one was tricky.  In so many ways I felt closer to my Savior because I was calling on His strength SO often.  But, when I really looked at the relationship, it was one sided.  I was not doing a very good job at holding up my side of the relationship which was hindering.   I have made an extra effort to actually study His words, take time to ponder throughout the day, go to the temple (also constitutes as "me" time; two birds, one stone/babysitter) and just take more time to thank him rather than constantly plead for strength.  This relationship is up there with the significant other relationship; if it is strong, all other aspects of life seem to get much better.

I also put serving others and relationships with peers under this category because, "When ye are in the service of your fellow being ye are only in the service of your God" (Mosiah 2:17). 

Family
I found myself CONSTANTLY talking about Lukers to family members and not really taking the time to hear about them, which was hurting some of those relationships.  A reason I love mama B. is because she can't hide her feelings or fake interest in something.  I can always tell when I have hit my "Luke Update" quota when talking to her, and I am grateful for that because she has helped me realize that I need to make an effort to talk about things other than Spud, especially with family members.  She probably has NO clue she did this.

Don't get me wrong, I am sure family members love to hear about the babes, but not for 30 minutes strait.  When I have strong relationships with my family members, I have more strength.  Also, hearing about their trials, funny happenings and life outside of the hobbit hole are much needed mental escapes.

By no means do we have this balance of relationships mastered.  Quite frankly, it will probably be a constant effort.  However, we realize our lives do not need to be Luke centered, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  We just need to figure out how to incorporate this new dynamic into making sure aspects of our lives are not being neglected.