Crash Course Parenting: Milestones

Since becoming a parent, I have this crazy realization that so many see the achievements of their little ones as a competition.  I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, "Well my little one did this at this age" or "Oh...mine was doing that a month ago."  Really?!  Do we, as humans, have such a need to be better all the time that we even turn when our children hit certain milestones into a competition?  Let's talk about this.

First of all, I did stress a lot about how Luke was developing compared to others that were born around the same time he was.  It really was not until recently that I realized this was just silly and that he was developing the skills he needed, when he was ready for them.  Me pushing him to do something he was not ready for was not doing anything but causing anxiety and frustration for all parties involved.  We have been reading A Parent's Guide (you can find it HERE), written by the LDS church, which gives great input on how to teach your children about intimacy.  In the first chapter, it talks about just building a good relationship with your children from birth.  The phrase that stuck out to me was:

"Through all stages of growth, children need parental encouragement. Punishment for failure will make them feel inferior and unwilling to develop close relationships. Pressure to progress faster than they are ready can create emotional frustration, for no matter how much they are forced, they cannot do more than their young motor skills and immature coordination will allow."

Basically, don't compare and accept and encourage your babes where they are.

Second, most professionals give a broad time frame to reach certain milestones such as sitting, smiling, etc.  AND, some "milestones" are not even necessary such as rolling.  I quickly came to realize that as long as his Dr was not concerned, I should not be concerned.  This meant, that even though he hated tummy time and really did not start rolling to his stomach until recently, his Dr said he was doing well and had good head control (which is a main reason for tummy time), so I just needed to chill.  I also discussed this with a close family friend whom has 10 children.  She told me that every single one of her children reached said milestones at different ages, some earlier, some later and she did not do anything different.  She said the first few, she stressed about this.  But then realized that it depends on the child's personality a lot of the time and how they learn.  She even said that one of her kiddos did not start talking until he was almost 4-years-old and is now impossible to shut up. 

Basically, let your babes develop each skill how they need to, giving guidance and assistance when and where needed.

Third, I have come to realize that I have to let him "fail" every now and then in order to gain a new skill.  I do not know if "fail" is the correct word simply because it is allowing him to fall slightly in order to learn the importance of gaining balance or using other body parts to help him down from a sitting position or keeping that desired toy just out of reach so that he has a chance to scoot towards it.  If I just kept doing everything for him, he would not learn it for himself.

Basically, allow the babes to be challenged, not pushed, but rather slightly nudged.  Give encouragement and support as they try new things.

Finally, we have said it before, stop comparing.  This has been such a challenge, as you probably remember me saying over and over in past posts.  It is not good to compare yourself as a parent to other parents nor your child to other children, including his or her siblings.  We are so blessed to have different personalities on this earth that learn differently.  I have come to realize that it is up to me, as a mom, to embrace the individual and learn how to support that sweet spirit, helping them grow.